So today was my first day back at work. Well I'm still here. But I'm taking a quick break to tell you about how things went today.
I dropped Fenix off at daycare around 8 am. He was happy. He immediately went to one of the ladies and started smiling and playing with the other babies. I went over some things with the 'teachers'- how to change a cloth diaper, his likes and dislikes, etc.
Then it was time to go.
I tried so hard not to cry. I really did. But then when I went to say goodbye, my heart got so heavy. I felt my throat tighten. And my eyes started to well up. It sucked.
I took him and kissed him and said goodbye and I left.
And then I sat in my car and cried and cried.
While I was sitting there having a meltdown one of the ladies came to the car and asked me to come back in. So I pulled myself together and I did. And when I went inside another one of the care providers took me aside with Fenix. She is this little African lady named Ann and she has the most wonderful accent!
"In Africa when the mother leaves her baby she must never cry. You cannot leave him with tears because he will take them from you and then he will cry too." Then she showed me how his little eyes were full of tears because he had started to cry right after I had left :-(
So she took me and hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and thanked me for sharing Fenix with them. And I hugged them both and kissed him and said goodbye in a happy voice. Then he turned and gave me the biggest brightest smile.........
Then I walked back to my car, drove away and cried on the bus the whole way here.
I feel better now. I'm looking forward to seeing my little one tonight when I get home. I never knew I could love another person this much. I thought I knew what love was when I met J but this is just so much more.