Monday, June 18, 2007

Pit stains

I don't mean to act like I'm the first person to make random observations about what it's like to be pregnant. But I'm going thru alot of weird things that I haven't read in any of the 3 thick pregnancy/childbirth books that I have at home.
I've resorted to posting questions on pregnancy forums, trying to gather some semblance of normalcy from the experiences of other pregnant ladies.

So you want to know what it's like to be 3 months pregnant? And I'm not talking about the stuff that everyone knows already.... morning sickness and such. I'm gonna give it to you raw.

  • Sweaty pits. I am either turning into a guy or my hormones are so out of whack that they are causing my arm pits to sweat like never before. I don't stink but I definitely have pit stains from time to time. Even the maximum strength deo is no match for my super pits.
  • Constipation. Ok so you probably know about this one but did you know that your stomach would feel like you swallowed a watermelon whole? And that for possibly days on end there will be no relief to this feeling?
  • TP analysis. Given that spotting is often a symptom that something is wrong in a pregnancy you will find that every single time (and I do mean EVERY SINGLE TIME) that you go to the bathroom, you will wipe and then examine the toilet paper. This sounds really disgusting but I would bet money that most pregnant women do it and when you get pregnant, so will you.
  • Moistness. I know. It's a vile word but it's the best way to describe what is suddenly happening downstairs. I feel like my hoo ha was as dry as the desert compared to what is going on down there now. Again... totally normal part of pregnancy but vile and worth a mention nonetheless.
  • Hot boobs. I have experienced lots of new unpleasant sensations in my breasts. Everything from shooting pains, to burning to tiny twinges. Oh and my nipples are always rock hard. HOT.
  • You ain't nuthin but a hound dog. Again... everyone has heard that smells are often intensified during pregnancy but this is ridiculous. I can no longer take the bus because the smell of humanity makes me violently ill. I now carry airplane sick bags in my purse just in case I pass a particularly foul human while walking the city streets.
  • Hungry like the wolf. I have never been so hungry in my life. I am often woken up out of a sleep with an intense gnawing feeling in my stomach and cannot get back to sleep unless I eat something. A bit of protein and carbs help like cheese and crackers or an apple and some peanut butter. But by the time I finish preparing and eating this meal I am too awake to go back to bed!

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