D is for Drano

Remember the third grade? that first "volcano" that you ever made? come on, you remember... there was a lumpy papier mache mound, i mean mountain, that had some paper cup of baking soda inside... then you poured in some vinegar with red food coloring to watch it "erupt"? remember that?

it's funny how adults look at kids in that situation. seems like they can never help themselves from sharing some jackass comment, like "remember that these are the best days of your life" and all that. shut up, old man, I don't even have a Sega. life sucks. leave me alone.

ok, I'm off topic already. that didn't take long. where was I? that's right, DRANO (TM). and my bathroom sink.

my bathroom sink sucks. sorry sink, but you SUCK! actually, the sink is cool or whatever, but the drain... she sucks. or that she DOESN'T suck is the problem, really. anyhoo, every few months I have to take all the crap out from under the sink, put a bucket down there, unscrew the doohicky that holds the drain plug in, pull out the drain plug, bend up a wire coat hanger and fish around for the rat king of hair and phlegm and whatever other disgusting awfulness is down there, then put everything back together again which of course doesn't go as planned so the other doohickey that connects with the first doohickey keeps falling off and then I bust my knuckles trying to fix it and I'm not sure if I mentioned this but it's not easy access down there, just a little tiny door, only room for one hand if you can see what you're doing, both hands if you're going on feel but then your face is smushed up against the vanity and what fun is that? sigh. anyway, then I pour rubbing alcohol on my hands and eyes and go play in traffic to distract myself from the rat king. [shudder]

our most recent episode of this was just this weekend. except... when I jiggered around with the coat hook to wake the rat king... nothing. bupkis.

Wife is around, offering encouragement, so I sez to her "you know, we really need to have a thing of drano around for times like these." because that's how we used to live. don't even get me started on the sink at our last place! we bought that stuff by the gallon. so anyway I sez Wife, go check under the kitchen sink for the drano and she goes and checks and we don't have it. but Wife is good, Wife is smart. she sez hey, lets not use that drano shit anymore. it's poison. lets try this other thing instead.

insert the 3rd grade "science project" mentioned above. so, skeptically, I dumped some baking soda down the drain hole, then poured in the vinegar while Wife boiled some water. let me tell you, what happened next was fucking disgusting. with the bubbling and the debris that rose to the surface? YUK! anyway, in goes the boiling water. but draining didn't happen. WTF? sigh.

ok, repeat. more baking soda, more vinegar, more disgustingness. no draining, though. you SUCK, sink!

I'm done, ready to throw in the towel. lets go get the drano I sez. you're so impatient, Wife sez. try it again. ok. so we try it again. third time's the charm or three strikes and you're out?

third time's the charm! third time's the charm! we successfully unclogged the sink without buying poison. now THAT is cool. that's some green living that I can get behind.

when doing a few seconds of research for this post, I also found this, which is hilarious but Definitely Not Endorsed, and this page which has even more tips about how to use that volcano properly. apparently we should have used salt - will try that next time.

sigh. you still suck, sink. you SUCK!